December 24, 2007

Merry Christmas Eve

It's Christmas Eve! YAY! I'm excited to open presents tonight. My family has a tradition that we open half our our presents Christmas Eve and half Christmas morning. See, my dad's family celebrates Christmas Eve (I guess it's a Polish thing?) and my mom's family celebrates Christmas morning. So I get to celebrate both. :D

Honestly though, I feel a little bad about celebrating Christmas. Christmas for me, used to be celebrating Jesus's birth. Now I'm not sure that I believe that Jesus is God. So now I guess I'm just celebrating a historical figure's birthday? And we aren't sure that he was actually born on December 25th anyways. So now Christmas just seems to be a time of food, presents, and family tradition. Which I suppose isn't bad but I feel sort of guilty for celebrating a holiday that I don't really believe in.

December 18, 2007

Eid-ul-Adha

My apologies for not updating. I almost always post updates from school and my school decided to block blogger.com. Now it is unblocked though. *shrugs*

Today is my last day of school before winter break. Tomorrow is Eid-ul-Adha so we get off. If you aren't familiar with Eid-ul-Adha, it is an Islamic holiday celebrating Ibrahim's (Abraham) willingness to sacrifice his son Ismael (Ishmael) to Allah.

There is a similar story in Christianity and Judaism, but they believe that it was Isaac who was almost sacrificed, not Ishmael.

The Bahá'í Faith says that the name of the son is unimportant. The important thing is that Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son to God.

December 11, 2007

I'm questioning my belief that Jesus is God. I'm thinking maybe he was just a extraordinary man and prophet. I still believe in God. I just don't am not sure of what specifically I believe. I'm currently looking into Judaism, Buddhism, and the Baha'i Faith.

I'm afraid. I keep remembering how people have told me that if I don't believe in Jesus Christ I will go to hell. It was easy to shrug off as BS when they were talking about other people. I said it wasn't my place to say if people were going to hell or not and it wasn't my place to tell people to what to believe in. When it's my eternal fate it scares me more.

December 10, 2007

Most of you have probably heard already but there were two shootings at churches in Colorado yesterday. That's pretty sad. I bet that a bunch of Christians will use this as an example to say "non-Christian people are evil and want to kill us." My dad and I were watching it on the news this morning and my dad asks "Since when do churches have armed security gaurds?" Which is a good point. I mean, yea, having an armed security gaurd was very helpfull in this situation, but come on. An armed security gaurd at a church? I really shouldn't be so surprised.

December 9, 2007

Read this post and the first comment.

This pisses me off. So what? It's okay to have a journal or community about child pornography or white pride but you just can't search interests for it? wtf?

First of all, it blocks a lot of search terms which are not even bad. "genocide survivor" is blocked. So is "crackers and cheese". Why anyone would be searching for people interested in crackers and cheese is beyond me but that's not the point. The point is, it blocks people for searching for perfectly respectable communities. AND it's not like it stops people from having inappropriate communities, you simply can't search for them.

This ridiculous.

December 7, 2007

Forgot my Meds

I've changed my layout to a three column layout but I need to go in and fix my header but I'll do that later because I need to leave to go to U.S. History soon.

You'll notice I've hidden the comments. Until further notice, there will be no commenting on this blog. I'm sorry. Deal with it.

In other news, I forgot to take my medication this morning. >.< I take Zoloft for anti-anxiety and Vyvance for ADHD. I feel really weird right now. My thoughts are racing and I just generally feel out of it and not myself. This is going to be a long day.

December 6, 2007

Comment Guidelines

  • Try to use correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. It will help people understand what you are trying to say.

  • Avoid using swear words and abusive language. This includes sexist and racist language and any language which insults people due to their sexual orientation, gender identity/expression, religious beliefs, etc.

  • Do not harass, threaten, or make false statements.

  • Do not post inappropriate graphics or ASCII pictures.

Basically, if you sound crude, you will not bet taken seriously. Personal attacks will not be tolerated. You don't have to agree with me and you have a right to your opinion but you need to give a valid reason. "You're a fat ugly bitch" is not a valid reason.

I'm really not that strict but I will delete any comments which I believe to be malicious.

December 5, 2007

Happy Hanukkah!

I'm sort of dissapointed because last year I got invited to my friend's Hanukkah party and I was going to be invited this year but now my friend isn't even going to her family's party because she is away at college and has a class on the day of the party. :( It was so fun last year too. I feel bad for my friend too. I mean, this is the first year that she hasn't been able to attend her family's Hanukkah party.

I bet you less than five people in my school actually realize that today is the begining of Hanukkah. I don't blame them. I mean, if you don't celebrate it and you don't know anyone that celebrates it, why would you know when it is? Unless you're just interested in knowing those things, which some people are. I think it's fun to learn about other people's holidays.

December 4, 2007

Sheep in the Herd?

Are any of us really unique? Or has everyone been molded into a stereotype? I like to think of myself as being different. I like to think I'm "not just another teenager". Am I really different though? Doesn't everyone like to think of themselves as being different? What makes me different?

  • I don't smoke: There's loads of other people that don't smoke.
  • I don't do drugs: There's loads of other people that don't do drugs.
  • I don't drink: There's loads of other people that don't drink.

let's look at things I do/am rather than what I don't do.

  • I'm transgender: There are many other transgender people. (which I am rather thankful for honestly. I wouldn't want to be the only trans person. That'd be hard.)
  • I have mood swings: A lot of people have mood swings.
  • I like computers: I don't think I need to continue to point out that other people share this characteristic.
  • I like to read.
  • I have "odd" thought paterns.
  • I have night terrors.
  • I have panic attacks.
  • I was raised Catholic.
  • I do not like organised religion.
These are just a few. So if no single thing about me is unique, does that mean I am not unique? I got to thinking about this last night. I started thinking "I don't matter. I'm just another stereotype. I'm just another statistic." Of course, if I follow this train of thought, that would mean that no one else is unique either. Everyone else is just some stereotype. I cannot believe that though. I think everyone is special in their own way. It sounds incredibly corny I know. I would never tell someone they don't matter or that they are "just another part of the crowd". Why though? Because I don't want to hurt their feelings? No... I mean, yea, it's true I would not want to hurt their feelings but I do honestly believe that everyone is special.

Maybe it isn't each of our characteristics that make us unique/special but the combination of the charactersistics. Our experiances, and our physical and psychological traits form who we are and although we may share some of those traits with other people, we do not share 100% of those traits and therefore we are not exactly like anyone else.

December 3, 2007

Fear of the Future

Next year I will be out on my own. It's a scary thought. I have to move out after graduation. As much as I hate living in this house, moving out is going to be hard. It's a huge change. I still don't know where I'm going to live. I need to get a job ASAP. I don't need to worry about paying for college tuition but I need to worry about affording a place to live, and food and stuff.

Hopefully I can get by until I get my cisco certification and then I can get a decent job with that.

Regardless of money though, it's still scary. I've lived in the same house all my life. I have hated living in this house and I have lived in fear, flinching at any loud noises or sudden movements, but now it's just sort of... what I'm used too.

I will soon start a new chapter in my life and I'm terrified as hell. O_O